


Say you shall forget me

by boffinhatwithapipeYuekagami



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: F/F, Fem AU, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 02:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6265981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boffinhatwithapipeYuekagami/pseuds/boffinhatwithapipeYuekagami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We need to make decisions, far more than we can ever wish for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say you shall forget me

 

I opened my eyes and saw the cloudy sky

Saw the scars on my arms

Saw the blood on my sheets

Felt the pain on my eye.

I was alive one more day but I had never felt more dead.

 

I ate the food laid before me. It was bland. 

Sitting on a chair enough for me to sit,

I never met my father's eyes

Nor had I seen him sat in front of me

Instead, he swig the liquor bottle

And waddled to the balcony.

 

 

I had this strange notion 

that everyone had the mind set that they carry the world

Somehow, I believed I carry the world on my shoulder

That was why it hurts so much

Not because of his hands hurting me.

 

It was not my fault

None of these ever were.

But I thought, at lunch, that maybe this would not happen 

That maybe if I was not some "dyke"

That maybe if I was not some "faggot" 

Maybe he would not need liquor just to make me look straight

 

I passed by the room where her class was

I saw her head bend down low, jutting notes

I did not wait for her to see me

I did not wave at her

Nor gave her a nod

Because I knew if I did that,

it would cost her life.

 

I had to tell her we were over

I had to tell her we were done

But my mother taught me to only tell the truth

So I kept my mouth shut

But as the school bell rang,

it felt like my execution bell.

Had to avoid her at all cost

Before I could find myself moving to the closet I would hide in,

I saw her standing before me

And I suddenly wept

 

"Why are you telling me to go away?" she asked

"I want you to get away from me."

"Why?"

"Because I says so."

"That is a lie."

Silence.

"You love me, right?"

"You have to go."

"No. Tell me what is going on?"

"You need to leave."

"No."

"Please."

"Tell me."

"He will kill you if he sees me with you."

 

I ran home crying, my heart ready to leave my chest

I told her to forget about me

Although I desperately wanted her to remember

For all that mattered, I could not love her any less

Even against him and his fist against my face, 

_I loved her even more when she grabbed my hands_

_I loved her even more when she hugged me from behind_

_I loved her even more when she told me "I love you"_

_I loved her even more even after all of these_

 

I locked my room, huddled on the corner of my bed

My books strewn on the floor

I wanted to run away, get away as far as possible

I wanted her to come with me, even when it was not possible

I cried myself to sleep that night, not minding my school clothes

It did not matter, I thought

Nothing really mattered any more. 

 

 

"We can run away together" I remembered her suggesting

"Where will we go?"

"I do not know. Anywhere far from here."

"Where?"  
"Somewhere no one will ever mind us."

"Is there a place like that?"

"There is. Away from here. Far far away. Away from this sadness" 

"Then we will go there one day."

"Not one day. In few months, maybe."

"Why so eager?"

"Because people here are blind about Love."

 

 

I opened my eyes and saw the cloudy sky  
Saw the scars on my arms  
Saw the blood on my sheets  
Felt the pain on my eye.

And the wetness of my pillow

Tears began to grace my cheeks again.

I was alive one more day, I remembered

But I had never felt more dead.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sad again.


End file.
